From the moment I wake up { other times in the dead of night like in this very moment } I spend my time thinking about people. They all have their own quirks and individual experiences that shape them exactly to be the person they are today. Every intricate detail about their past brought them up to be the person they are today. They all have their own dialect of a universal language we all know, & the different ways we experience love remains a mystery to some.
The question is : what is my love language? How does this person feel or express love? What does love mean to you … what meaning does this word carry? Does it hurt you because you miss someone; does the memory of it make you feel more alone? Do you ever feel love from something/someone you don’t expect, the time someone texted you that you haven’t messaged in years, or maybe another time someone gave you something { like a small gift of food } that made you feel significant in times of trials? Especially when you don’t expect it, do you wonder where it comes from?
There’s the one person that resonates with words of affirmation. They want to hear that they are doing well, they are loved, that they look good. They like to be reminded they are amazing, and be recognized when they do something good. Until the times of isolation arise in society, people around them don’t see them enough and the lack of affirmation can hurt and dig up roots of pain from years back. They miss it from someone they love, and now they seek it out again, desperate to hear those words but never get it. Until a stranger is walking down the street smiling and watching them, yells out to recognize the beauty in their laughter. Words of affirmation, where did this come from?
Others identify with engaging in activities together. They want to do something productive, accomplish something. They feel loved when you want to play games with them, maybe read together, “let’s cook something new”… “what do you want to do?” When you sit and engage in an activity with them, they feel understood. They want to work towards a common goal with you. Until everyone becomes burnt out and tired from work the days dragging on, so they much prefer to do these things on their own to regain strength. Days pass by, they haven’t done that activity with anyone yet. This game is missing something… why isn’t this the same as before, I always like this game alone? Until someone online messages them { an old friend }, wants to link up a game again like old times. Where did this come from?
There’s the one that needs hugs everyday. They want to be touched, even coworkers are people they would hug on a regular basis. They love meeting new people, seeing how they shake hands, how tender / gentle or expansive / expressive different hugs can be. They collect kind gestures of touch like rare coins. Measuring the beauty in others by how often each person offers genuine forms of affection, and the closeness in a relationship by how vulnerable the other can be. Until the pandemic hits, they start to miss that one friends’ hug. Its been so long since they had a hug from someone they truly care for. The loneliness grows and the starvation for this skin craving intensifies. The pandemic brings on a universal social distancing law that makes this loneliness hurt more than usual. Until you go to work, wearing masks, and old friend you always visit at the store down the street { carrying innocent intentions } has a conversation with them, kindly exiting the conversation with a gentle hug. Where did this come from?
There’s the one that needs a gift, or an act of service. They like to receive cups of warm tea at work, or surprise presents at home that show the other person was thinking specifically of them. They like to see people be aware of what they like, who they are, what makes them feel important. Gifts that verify their identity and assert their individuality. These gifts and acts of service carry sentimental value that they will treasure for years in a box on their desk, a valid reminder of each person they treasure in their heart. Until money becomes desperately tight as the economy falls apart, the job market crashes. Unemployment reaches an all-time-high. The gifts don’t come anymore. Until one day, they go to work but forgot to buy their favorite bottle of iced tea for their afternoon snack { as per usual routine } until they look over. Their coworker leaves a fresh bottle on the counter and smiles. Refusing to believe it’s for them, the coworker says that it’s a gift just for them. Their favorite flavor. Where did this come from?
I know there are many more ways that people feel loved, too many for me to count with my fingers. During these trials, our love languages are misunderstood. The dialects become scarce in fluency and love gets lost in translation. The “social” distance between lovers and families, unable to travel to visit each other, are forced to live from only a percentage of love from their partner or family. Everyone becomes terribly busy, and the percentage of their love becomes less that the other person experiences. The percentage goes from 100% to 70% to 30% within a matter of months the more that the world suffers and experiences these trials from the distance. But if you look closely, somehow you see your love language is still being recognized. Never in the ways you expect or even from the ones you thought, but all along there’s a person that knows you. They know you so intimately, there will always be those moments so small but somehow so powerful that if you didn’t pay enough attention, you would miss the opportunity to grasp onto a moment of love that will keep you going for years after, making you question how the intricacy and detail of the kind act could’ve been real and somehow personalized just for you … He’s been watching all along, and speaks your dialect perfectly.
But you, O Lord, know me; you see me, and test my heart toward you. [ Jeremiah 12:3 ]