today, another fulfilling day indulging in the creative pursuits of life. i used to hate the end of a ringing phone, a dead line, a missed connection. why did they leave, they’re too busy to talk? why didn’t we connect? why am I alone when I am surrounded by noise, people, chaos :: they call this “skin craving” the need for a hug. in this season, I explore the one relationship that you can’t physically feel or touch.
the music flowing out of me, a cathartic release rather than a necessity to simply pass time. my greek teacher astonished at the focus on my studies, my performance and confidence in myself growing slowly as The Spirit fills me. The quiet that rings, hearing AC quietly hum … I fill the air with a song. a passion that lingers in the air. I push myself, my fingers blistering. I push my body beyond limits, stretching my legs to the ceiling, a new feeling of self-discovery in my athletics. I slip on the ballet shoes, reconnecting with my youth seeing through young Jessie’s eyes. I twirl and suspend my legs above surfaces, control the movement with discipline and experiencing freedom all the same. somehow, learning the rules makes breaking them easier. a liberation found only in being alone, experiencing a presence I haven’t felt often times amongst the noise and voices of others. the quiet magnifies this presence, I’m hearing a comforting voice. I discover within the kind of feeling you get from waking up from that one dream, the one you can’t tell anyone { you wouldn’t know how } but deep down you feel it and it’s as real as the touch of another human. a friend that is always present.
Like a wise man once said, there’s a season for everything. After months of time in close proximity to love and comfort, a season replaces this previous one: to prepare my heart for another change that needed this quiet time of independence in order to get my heart ready for the new one.
yesterday, I revisited the person I once was {…} from eight weeks prior. the beginning of this change, the quiet season. I hardly recognized her – she had this concern {striving} for an unsustainable perfection, only feeling fulfilled according to the status of her relationships with others, job, etc. and now a more relaxing simple life before me. a confidence + identity that relies solely on the never-changing consistent friend that is always there for me. He hears me, even in this time of silence. when the phone line is silent and hear the voicemail, He is already waiting.